March 30,2017

March 30,2017

Today was a surreal and hard to swallow day. I've been battling with nausea since last friday, like a game of tug a war. I'm still numb/weak on my right side which is another challenge, every time i wake up i get hit with head pains, which makes me feel unstable and sick. I'm constantly tired or feel drained a lot often but on top of that my meds cause dizziness and fatigue. So it's like feeling tired piled up too the put that i feel overwhelmed by all of it. I've been told that my brain has abnormal activity/seizure activity even though i'm not actually having having a physical one. I've been thinking back to see if there was warning signs that i didn't know was one and i believe there was; like when i would sleep my body would shake and i was never cold, the twitching of my face and subtle speech complications. But i never experienced anything like this before so i didn't know any better. I'm glad that i went to the hospital when i did because each day i was having new symptoms and that day my face began to have spasms, who's to say that if i waited another day i would have had a full on seizure and it could have been worse. Being home and having to have someone be by my side to help me do simple things makes me want to cry, having trouble with my speech and walking is very frustrating and it's a challenge to adjust too. I have to take it day by day even sometimes a few steps at a time, i have to take some mental breathers throughout the day to recenter myself and stay positive. If this is a condition for life then i need to get to know this other part of myself and be as healthy as i can be. I can't let this bring me down, yes it's a setback and unexpected but i'm going to continue to do what i always have and that's write down my hurdles, my pains, how tough it gets, how i feel on a day to day basis  and learn more.